• Raedan McCarty

The Idea(l)

Updated: Sep 22

I can’t let go of your memory

My heart told me to wrap myself around

The idea of you and I did

The idea of you

The idea of us

The ideal of you

But reality creeps in with the night

Arm-in-arm with the blackness of depression

The sharp edges of anxiety at their heels

They lay a corpse at my feet

The cold, lifeless remnants of a dream

And I remember

You could never want, never love

This mind that vomits terrifying visions & words

This body so thick with coping mechanisms and disorders

This skin screaming with the new-flesh crimson of self-hatred

And I hate me for you not wanting this wretched mess of a girl

I’m infuriated with myself for being me

Imperfect

Grotesque

Disgusting

Unworthy

But still,

I can’t let go of the ideal

© 2019 by Drops Of Ink. Proudly created with Wix.com