I can’t let go of your memory
My heart told me to wrap myself around
The idea of you and I did
The idea of you
The idea of us
The ideal of you
But reality creeps in with the night
Arm-in-arm with the blackness of depression
The sharp edges of anxiety at their heels
They lay a corpse at my feet
The cold, lifeless remnants of a dream
And I remember
You could never want, never love
This mind that vomits terrifying visions & words
This body so thick with coping mechanisms and disorders
This skin screaming with the new-flesh crimson of self-hatred
And I hate me for you not wanting this wretched mess of a girl
I’m infuriated with myself for being me
Imperfect
Grotesque
Disgusting
Unworthy
But still,
I can’t let go of the ideal